Working Out: If I make this public, I might follow through

If you've ever been on Pinterest, you've seen those fitness boards (and the bot accounts that post only that) full of "3 Weeks To Abs!" or "Arms For Summer". I saved a few of those because they seemed simple, I could fit them into my unorganized days. I still haven't. Wake up call came today, I had to hold my legs up in the air for all of 30 seconds and I couldn't do it. I literally could not hold my legs up in the air without support. I was so disgusted with myself that I forced myself to actually LOOK at what I have saved and to try them. Last day of school, so I don't have too much of a timeline to worry about now and can do it at any time. This was really simple (or so I thought). I don't have the link that corresponds, just the photo. Check out day 1:

"5 crunches?", I scoffed "Who can't do that?" Me. Humbly, huffing puffing me. I hate how far I've slipped, I've never been in the best of shape, but I am kind of active. I walk on a near daily basis. I volunteer once a week where I'm hauling around bags of clothes (If you think they aren't heavy, try carrying lawn bags and totes full of them and throwing them. Then we'll talk). My diet isn't the greatest, but I eat a lot of fresh fruits and try to get veggies in (Farmers Market is more cost effective and the stuff lasts). And here I am. I have a damn gym membership and have I used it in the past 3 months? No. Lately I see myself in the mirror and want to cry. Depression is rearing its ugly head and I'm not even sure I'm fighting it. Add summer temps on top and it's a while pile of hell (my legs + shorts gets the same results as dividing by zero). I want to do things with my daughter this year. I want to go to the pool with her (which means a swimsuit, brace yourselves spandex industry). I want to take walks, visit the park, do THINGS. But if I can't even bring myself to look at myself in the mirror, can't give a good hard look at just how much space my pants take up on the clothes line, can't bend over and paint my toenails without not breathing (part of that is a boob problem, ladies you have my back right?), how am I supposed to do that? She doesn't care, kids don't see their parents as fat. They just see Mom (or Dad, I'll be fair here) and that is that. But for her sake, I care. I don't want to hear one of her friends say "Omg, is that your mom?" unless they are talking about whatever weird hair colour I'm sporting. For her sake, I want to be able to run with her after a ball and actually make her push herself. I want to be able to wear clothes that she can raid my closet for. I want to look at myself and be happy. I want to be able to accept the compliments that my husband gives me. This will never be a fitness blog, or even a follow-my-journey thing. I knit. I read. I doodle. I marathon Netflix. I'm a couch potato at heart, otherwise I doubt I'd have ever started a blog. But that doesn't mean I have to look like this while I watch an entire season of a show in a week. Or read a 7 book series in a week. I can be happy with myself and be myself and that is my goal. I want to smile when I see myself in photos. And I want my daughter to smile with me.

I Don't Want To Knit Anymore

Wait, what?

A knitting blog that doesn't want to knit anymore

Say it ain't so!

Calm yourselves, it isn't permanent. I haven't gone COMPLETELY nuts. But tis true. I'm working on a project and it is making me not want to knit anything anymore. Not even a new project is brightening me up (and I just perused the new Knitty patterns). Why? Because I know that the massive PROJECT OF DOOM will be sitting there, in my chair, mocking me.

"OOOOOH you can start a new pair of socks, but you can't finish me? Simple two row pattern in the round, and in light worsted no less, but you can't be bothered"

Yes, my UFO's talk, don't yours?

I'm plugging away at the Vortex Shawl, trying my hardest to use up this less than wonderful yarn I *had* to have. It's Red Heart (yes, yes, acrylic you yarn snobs. Money goes to growing offspring, I'll splurge when I take over her bedroom as a walk in yarn closet) Boutique Unforgettable. Looks AMAZING in the skein. Working with it? Meh. The sheen is gone, the colours all wind up muted, and it fuzzes worse than my mothers dogs. Seriously, I have a continual donut of fuzz while I'm working on this (anyone who has ever used a sheddy yarn knows what I mean). I'm almost at the end of ball #2, one more left. And I'm trying to talk myself into going until I can'ts go no mores. Because I am seriously tempted to just do my garter and bind off. But then I will be stuck with about 200yd of the stuff. I tried at least two other projects with that stuff, a lovely pattern by Caitlin ffrench (check her out on Rav, you won't be sorry) and the ball band shawl. Both were a big ol NOPE. This one I frogged 3 times before I finally got it to work.

What I did get to work was another shawl. Yarn that I couldn't for the life of me figure out what to do with it. Bernat Mosaic, three balls. I made Lala's Simple Shawl (my go to lately). I shortened it a bit to make sure I had enough for the bind off (and I could have gone another row or three, of course), but it turned out perfectly for my shoulders. I'm wearing it now seeing as it's 68 in this house (without a fan or an a/c unit, woot!). I even have a picture, as arty as I get without an instagram filter

the hand sculpture thing to your left was made by my niece

So to recap no, I'm not going to stop knitting. I become even more intolerable and antsy if I don't have SOMETHING for my hands to do (and bugger off, you skeevy pervs, no one wants to hear from the peanut gallery). And I really can't convince Hubs to get me some handspun at the Ren Fest if it's just going to sit there. I will totally post about our trip and costumes!

Theme of the Day

Mother's Day has passed, Father's Day is rearing its head, and I can't keep track of all the others. I dread these holidays. Not because I don't like the idea, celebrating the most understated and underpaid job? All for it. But I hate gifting for this. My parents are the worst when it comes to getting them gifts. By their age, they have everything they could want that would fit in my budget (sorry, not getting you a new four wheeler) and they can purchase the little things that I could choose. The typical things to get mom (flowers, chocolates) aren't her cup of tea. My father isn't a grill master and has retired and doesn't need another tie. So I'm forever stumped as to what to do. This year, I did simple and crafty for my mother (I intend to make it up to her later), but there isn't anything I can make my father. They appreciate even the little things I get them, at least the effort behind them, but I never really get THE thing. The wow factor gift. I'd be happy to do it just once. I'm running through a mental list of what their likes are and anything even remotely connected and all I get is "already done..won't use it...has 10 already". My husband is easy. Anything nerdy, geeky, Star Wars, or chocolate. I don't even break a sweat over stocking stuffers for him. Even his parents are easy to shop for. It's mine that throw me into fits. Apparently that was passed onto me, I'm horrid to buy for according to Hubs. At least Bug won't problems with both of us. Do any of you have that impossible to gift person on your Day's list? Any creative ideas knocking around? Share, please. We can brainstorm together!

SpringVoxBox Review Time

Before I start, these products were received free from Influenster for review. Interested? Free to signup at influenster.com  The reviews are all personal opinion, however. If I didn't like it, I would certainly say so.

In my VoxBox, I was sent the following:

• Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara
• Kiss Everlasting French Nails
• Peach Pie Car Freshener from the Labor Day Movie
• Playtex Sport Fresh Balance
• NIVEA Skin Firming Hydration Lotion

Lets start, shall we? Mascara is up first. Normally, I don't splurge on my makeup. Dollar store and e.l.f. brand are my typical go to. So I was kind of excited to try something new. I wasn't disappointed, it went on well and lasted. I have fairly sensitive eyes to liner and mascara, but this didn't bother me.

Next, the nails. I was going to try and attach them. Package stated more of the popular sizes, but not for my weird fingers. Even if I filed them, it wouldn't have been enough to fit all of my nails. So I could not review these.

Now the car freshener. It smells like gummy peach rings as opposed to a peach pie, but that's to be expected. Still, it's cute. Shaped like a wee pie.

No, not reviewing tampons. You are welcome, everyone. I'll merely state that it was nice to get a decent amount to test (16 count box) instead of the typical 3-5. 

Lotion time! I haven't used this for two weeks as is suggested for the earliest firming results, but I have tried it a few times. The fragrance is strong, not a pleasing odor. My nose is plugged due to allergies and I can still smell it. Even with a small amount, it leaves a greasy feel. I've had better luck with moisturizing with other brands. I will keep using to see if there are any results otherwise, but it isn't something I'd purchase myself.

So, there is my plug. My sellout post :) Don't worry, I'm working on patterns and projects and I'll get back to the yarn soon.